I’ll never forget the day when my kids were young and I broke down over a cup of coffee with my husband. “I just feel like I’m never doing enough,” I blubbered, letting my coffee go cold. “At work, I feel guilty about not being with the kids. When I’m with the kids, I feel guilty about work. It’s like no matter what I do, it’s not enough.”
Sound familiar? Many of us don’t need social media to pile on the guilt - we do a perfectly good job of it ourselves. We set impossibly high standards, measuring ourselves against an ideal that no one is actually achieving. And the irony? The very guilt we carry is proof of how much we care.
The truth is, mom guilt isn’t about failure - it’s about care and responsibility. When we step back, we can see what it is: a sign that we care!
The Pressure We Put on Ourselves
No one expects a father to quit his job because he loves his kids. And yet, as working moms, we often feel like we need to justify why we’re working - as if contributing to our families financially, building a career, or creating a better future isn’t reason enough.
For many South African moms, working isn’t optional. It’s about keeping the lights on, putting food on the table, and investing in a better future for our children. But even when we know this, we still feel guilty. Not necessarily because anyone is making us feel that way, but because we set ourselves a standard of “perfect motherhood” that doesn’t exist.
The reality? Our contribution - whether financial, emotional, or practical - matters. And our children are not losing out because we work. They are gaining a mother who is productive, resilient, who shows up, and who leads by example.
How to Turn Mom Guilt into Something Useful
1. Guilt Shows You What You Value - Use That
Instead of fighting guilt, ask yourself: What is this really about? More often than not, our guilt comes from wanting to be more present, more available, or more in control. But instead of seeing that as failure, see it as insightful information about you.
When I realised that most of my guilt came from missing out on small moments, I didn’t quit RecruitMyMom - I made the moments I was there count. Instead of being half on my laptop in the evenings, I put it away. Instead of worrying about missing a hockey match, I’d explain my absence and be present while hearing the game's story. Guilt isn’t telling you to quit - it’s telling you what matters to you.
2. Contribution Comes in Many Forms
We often think that the most valuable contribution we can make to our families is being physically present at all times. But presence is about more than just time - it’s about impact.
Ask yourself: What am I giving my children by working? For some, it’s financial security. For others, it’s the example of a mother who is independent, hardworking, and resilient. You are not just “away” when you work - you are building, providing, and contributing.
3. Perfection is a Myth - Balance is About Adjustments
One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is that other moms are balancing it all perfectly. But the truth is, no one has it all figured out. Balance is not about doing everything - it’s about knowing what to prioritise at the right time.
Some days, work will demand more of you. On other days, your family will. And that’s okay. The goal isn’t to split yourself in half - it’s to make the best possible decisions for your family and yourself in each moment.
4. Your Kids See the Bigger Picture
We fear that our children will resent us for working. But more often than not, they grow up appreciating it. They don’t see the late meetings or missed assemblies the way we do. They see a mother who is reliable, who provides, who is showing them what’s possible.
When I worried about missing too much, I asked my daughter how she felt. “I like that you work, Mom,” my daughter told me. In later years, I heard from her headmaster how she had cited me as her role model because even though I ran a company, I always made them feel more important than my work.
That’s when I realised that how we show up is more important than quantity of time.
5. You Are Your Own Worst Critic - Give Yourself Credit
We are quick to point out where we fall short but slow to recognise where we are succeeding. If a friend were in your position, you would remind her of all the ways she is contributing. So why not extend yourself the same grace?
Instead of saying, “I should be home more,” say, “I am working towards a better future for my family.” Instead of, “I missed the soccer match,” say, “I am teaching my children the value of hard work.”
The way we frame our role shapes how we experience it. You are not failing - you are contributing.
You Are Doing More Than Enough
Mom guilt exists because we care deeply. But instead of letting it drag us down, we can use it as a reminder that we are showing up, making an impact, and doing what is necessary for our families.
So the next time you feel that familiar pang of guilt, don’t see it as proof that you’re falling short. See it as proof that you’re invested. And know this: your contribution matters. Your efforts count. And your children are blessed to have a mom who cares as much as you do.
RecruitMyMom is a recruitment agency that recognises that moms need different levels of flexibility at various stages of life - even full-time employment. We aim to help moms at all stages find jobs that suit their needs and help them remain economically active, empowered, and contributing.
